Matrimonial Malaise - How to handle boredom in a relationship
Marriages and long-term relationships naturally come with their ups and downs, the comfort and security of a relationship can be beautiful, but after a long period of time, that comfort can also come with its own questions. Questions around whether the spark has gone, or if it’s normal if the excitement you once had was holding you both together. The best concern is if that initial spark has dispersed - is it a sign that things aren’t working anymore?
Predictability for some can give off feelings of boredom and a plateau, whereas the reality could be that your relationship has reached a new level of intimacy, mutual support, and love. The ups and downs experienced in many relationships can be what make your relationship closer and stronger, in the long run, however, it is important that you truly understand any negative feelings before calling a Melbourne family lawyer for advice. The reason being is it important to really look at your particular situation and make sure you’re sure of your next steps.
The term boredom is interesting, as it suggests that you are lacking interest and finding your relationship dull. Although this may be the case, it is also good to question this feeling further. Ask yourself whether this is a temporary feeling, or if it feels perpetual. Do you feel that you have exhausted all of your options in order to rectify this feeling? Or are you looking to find a solution to this problem? When analyzing your relationship do your feelings of boredom refer to your partner themselves, or the relationship you have together?
The reason these are good initial questions is that it is good to remind ourselves that there are two people in a relationship. It is easy to criticise or analyze your partners' behavior or attitude without first considering your own. Our own attitudes and behaviors are under our control, we can choose how we react and it is important not to shift blame onto others for how they make us feel.
If you feel you struggle to control your thoughts and feelings this article on 'taking control of your emotions' by Psychology today may offer some helpful tips. By understanding your level of emotional intelligence and how to react in certain situations it gives you a clearer viewpoint on your relationship, what the issues are and where they stem from - which in turn will allow you to decide how to move forward.
If you feel that the boredom is coming from your relationship in general rather than a lack of interest in your partner, the next step is to reflect on whether you have the desire to overcome this stagnation. If you choose to move forward then there are a number of steps you can take.
Understand where this feeling is coming from
First of all, you need to evaluate where the boredom is most prominent, is it in your social life, sex life or in the day to day routine? Depending on your own area of focus there are more specific articles available to help, such as ways to spice up sex in your marriage, or ways to have more fun with your partner.
Communicate with your partner
Once you feel like you have grasped how you feel, and why that is from your perspective and the perspective of your partner it is a good time to have an honest, but considered conversation. Remember that you have had a head start on this topic and it could come out of the blue for your partner. Therefore, make sure you give your partner time to give you a considered response. Pushing your partner for an answer or opinion can make things worse in some cases.
Agree on a way to move forward
Assuming that both you and your partner want to make the relationship work and improve your current situation, a natural next step is to create a plan of action together. Now that you’ve had a conversation you should both understand what is important to one another. Aim to find solutions to both your own and your partners' concerns, without weighing one more important than the other.
Continue to communicate and seek further help if needed
Like all good things in life, they take time. Go into this with the realization that things will take time to improve, but keeping up communication and having honest conversations on how things are going and crucial.